we're all so hugger-mugger

21. Female. Loud. Political. Emotional Baggage. Incapable of real relationships. Emotionally incompetent. Pansexual. Coffee-drinker. Cigarette-smoker. Insomniac. Brutally honest. Contradictions. Jaded wishful-thinker. ED. still alive. trying to live.
Obessions with: Art, feminism, dragonflies, fruit bats, history, politics, camping, hiking, adventures, coffee, school-work, clubs and other random things.

My daily ramblings; this is my story to tell

I am

so unbelievably out of my mind.

I’ve been sick almost every other week the semester. I have not gone out drinking, at all. I haven’t seen most of my friends. I had to take plan B on my birthday. I also got sick on my birthday and the doctor said it was stress related probably. He wants to do bloodwork, then he suggested I see a shrink for a possible underlying anxiety disorder. FUCK THAT. UGH.

Then I’m completely overwhelmed seemingly every second of every day. Between classes, homework, tests, papers, apartment shit, just getting a new job, applying for a second job, fighting and talking and fighting with my parents; I’m just ready to give up on everything.

I can’t get rid of this fat on my stomach. I can’t focus. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat or I eat excessive amounts. I’msuffocatingand my mom tells me last night, “you’re your own worst enemy. You’re the one with these standards. You’re the one who stresses too much. Just stop stressing.”

Then an hour later she starts asking me why I’m not going to grad school right away becausemy brothers did.

I am such a shit head

The guy I’ve been seeing lately has been nothing but wonderful to me, and just plain wonderful in general yet, today stressed out and disgusting I completely brushed him off. I didn’t see or talk to him since this morning when I woke up and showered, he left my bed for his class before I even got dressed. Yet, when he just wanted to say hi to me and ask me how I’m dealing with stress, I freaking push him away apologizing like an asshole while avoiding eye contact and trying to talk to him without even looking at him.

I don’t know why I think he’d see me as beautiful and I really worry about if he’s going to realize how fucked I am if he’ll stick around. ‘Cause he probably won’t, let’s be real here. (And that’s fucking terrifying)

Anon knows

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-16875921

Anonymous has recently disclosed private governmental recordings and e-mails that revealed the US-UK and other countries actions against supposed members of Anonymous and related groups.

Anons have been working hard hacking again lately and, it seems, that they’re not about to wave the white flag any time soon with recent attacks on the Boston and Salt Lake City police departments.

A continuing trend in discontent

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-16905151

Romania becomes yet another country showing increased discontent for their government. Although there have yet to be riots or any violence, as far as I am aware; the Prime Minister has stepped down.

He has become unpopular with fiscal matters, putting strains on the people economically in attempt to pay back a large bail-out loan. Although he said he was looking to ‘save the country’ many seem to see his actions tied with corruption.